First dream of him

Last night: Dreamed that I went back to him, as I have done so many times. I felt the old familiar mix of relief (to be back in my routine) and dread (at having to explain to everyone else that I had gone back). I got my bird. One of our other birds had died of a mysterious ailment, and there was a new one. They were kept in an antiseptic but nice white basement. I thought, "I should just grab my bird and go," and composed a note: "I don't know how to say this, but I have left." I felt too guilty to do it. I could not do that to the person I had come home to. I felt like my heart was breaking and it was overwhelming. I decided to stay. That's when I jolted awake: didn't know if I'd just had a bad or a good dream -- because the relief of being somewhere familiar was so intense, I guess. Well. I guess these are the feelings I'll be dealing with.