Something I posted elsewhere

A gal in another online community unrelated to abuse posted a horrible story. Her sister was killed by her abusive husband and she was in mourning. Another person posted that she was so sorry and shared her story. So I posted too! Later I went back and deleted the post, feeling horribly overexposed, but I wanted to keep it somewhere so here it is.

It was my mom who told me. I answered the phone because I thought Iwas calm and I knew she would worry if I didn't. But she had beenwatching and worrying for so long and she heard in my voice that thing shad "gotten bad" again. I didn't say anything about it. Out of the blue she said "When my cousin was killed by her husband, none of usknew what was happening. And he was horrified at what he had done after the fact. But it still happened."

I asked "Why did he do it if it horrified him?"

She said "Because he was crazy. Because they are crazy. Please justleave everything there and come here now. Don't give him a chance tohurt you again."

Erin, this wasn't the first time she'd said such a thing to me. Thiswasn't the first time anyone had said something to me. It was said to me over and over and over again, and something had to change in me inorder for me to leave.

Humdog might say I made the decision to leave but it didn't feel that way. It felt like something outside of myself made me leave. Regardless, Erin, there was nothing, nothing you could have said or done to make the outcome any different. Read that again, because I'm telling you this from having been where your sister was: there is nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing you could have said or done. She rabidly protected her horrible marriage. I did the same thing.

I was crying crying crying on sunday, asking why did it go on so long, why didn't anyone do anything about it? What about his friends? What about our neighbors? the truth was I did my part to hide it as skillfully as a stick of Dermablend. I did it too. Those who knew didn't know what to do about it.

I feel incredibly lucky to be out and I thank you for telling this story. I wish I could do something to help you. Please let me know ifthere is anything you want or need. I am so very sorry that this happened to you. Erin, anything. I am so sorry, anything.